#1117
[Nastia] Come back, my betrothed!!!
Date: 11/26/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Statutory Mode>>>
[Meanwhile, back at the ranch (Hee hee! Had to say it), Tork is running away from Nastinka, who remains adamant about this whole matrimony thing. Much to his chagrin, he finds himself cornered between one of the barns and the woodshed.]
[Tork, to himself] Stupid robot costume! Can't run for crap in it--
[Nastia] Give me a kiss, my husband to be!
[Tork] Hey now! Easy, kid. [He backs into a wall and yelps.] Look, this thing just isn't going to work. I could be arrested--
[Suddenly the music of a love ballad starts playing, apparently from thin air. Nastia falls in to dancing along with the music, but Tork is confused by it.]
[Tork] The hell???
[Nastia, singing.] o/` I lived in a world of sadness, o/`
o/` Where snow turns body and heart cold. o/`
o/` I slaved for her royal badness, o/`
o/` My stepmother bitchy and old. o/`
o/` Then you wished for me, o/`
o/` The gypsy's magic set me free. o/`
[Tork] But I didn't wish for you specifi--
[Nastia] o/` I'm under your spell! o/`
o/` My body may be free, but nonetheless you've captured me! o/`
o/` I'm yours, can't you tell? o/`
o/` Had no hope of liberty, thought it was a fantasy, o/`
o/` You've made me belieeeeeeeeeve! o/`
o/` You make me belieeeeeeeeve! o/`
o/` You make me-- o/`
[Tork] Stop it!!!1!! [The music stops abruptly.] Look, this is sweet and all, but it can't happen. I mean, think about it...
[Another song starts, this time a slinky little cabaret number.]
[Tork, singing.] o/` Look now, little girl, I appreciate your song, o/`
o/` But think about it girl, you and me would be... *way* too wrong! o/`
o/` Though I may come off as a bit of a fool, o/`
o/` Ev'n I know I can't date a girl in junior high school. o/`
o/` So thank you for your time, now go ru-u-un alooooooong. o/`
[Nastia] o/` Don't you like me now? Why the change of plan? o/`
o/` So you're twice my age? Doesn't mean you can't be my maaaaan! o/`
o/` Let's go lose some of this restrictive rainment o/`
o/` And get busy... makin' your payment! o/`
o/` First borns don't make themselves! It's time we-e-e begaaaaaaan! o/`
[Tork] Whoa-whoa-WHOA!!! This is *not* happening!
[Nastia] o/` 'Cause you know you're a kiiing to meeeeee! o/`
[Tork] o/` You and me o/`
o/` It can't be o/`
o/` Wouldn't be very regal... o/`
[Nastia] o/` And I want so bad to beeee your queeeeeen! o/`
[Tork] o/` But I mean, o/`
o/` You're thirteen, o/`
o/` This whole "queen" thing's illegal! o/`
[Nastia] o/` I wanna be your proud little wifey! o/`
o/` You'll be mine for the rest of your life-y! o/`
[Tork] o/` I can't deal, o/`
o/` This ain't real, o/`
o/` Umm... HEY LOOK OVER THERE!1!!1!! o/`
[The music stops.]
[Nastia] Over where? [She turns around and tries to see what Tork is poining at. While she is thus distracted, Tork makes a break for it.]
[Tork] Yoink!!!
[Nastia turns around to see that Tork is gone. She looks all around to find him, but has been thoroughly defeated by his purile ruse. As she sinks to her knees, tears welling up in her eyes, a melancholy reprise of the love ballad she sang earlier starts to play.]
[Nastia] o/` "I'm under your spell," o/`
o/` No, this cannot be! My precious Tork's abandoned me! o/`
o/` Why, I cannot tell o/`
o/` He says that it won't work, but he just isn't trying, JERK! o/`
o/` He has my receeeeeeipt! o/`
[Her face darkens a bit as she dries her tears. The tune shifts to a more determined, quietly driving piece.]
o/` Wish I could say that it doesn't matter much o/`
o/` But it's just not true o/`
o/` So I must do what I must o/`
o/` He's not the only one who can hire a gypsy o/`
o/` He doesn't know who he's messing with, does he? o/`
o/` Yes he will paaaaaaaaay! o/`
o/` Yes he will paaaaaaaaay! o/`
o/` Yes he will... paaaaaaaaaay! o/`
[Nastia wipes her eyes one last time and storms off to find the gypsy. After she leaves, a figure in a snazzy suit steps out from the shadows, chuckling evilly.]
[Suite] And so it begins...
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Hey, I'm not letting this plot point die out!
Sarcophagus!
#1118
PhlakyPastrius, when do I get to sing?
Date: 11/26/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
I have a nice voice too!
The demon that made everyone sing was named Suite? I think I read in his IMDB bio he was going to play Cat in the American version of Red Dwarf! That's cool!
#1119
So that's it.
Date: 11/26/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Well good luck, I guess.
____________________________________________________________
(We now return you to Mickey trying to find Lita 42, already in progress.)
Mickey: MR. BEAR...I mean, 42! COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!
Lita 42: I'm right here. You don't have to yell.
Mickey: OH SORR...sorry. Anyway, I need to ask you a favor.
Lita 42: Oooohh...can't help you there. That's 6969's department.
Mickey: Not that. I need you to pretend to be 9000 for a while.
Lita 42: I don't know. That seems kind of tough.
Mickey: Well, I don't know...aren't you all the same?
(Lita 42 poins a gun at Mickey. Hey, where'd she get that?)
Lita 42: You're going to wish you never said that.
Mickey: I already wish...(under his breath) I still don't see a difference. (normal voice) Look, 9000 has amnesia and she thinks she's Barbie. We need to get her back before PM uses her to do something crazy and/or Mattel sues us.
(Lita 42 puts the gun away)
Lita 42: I really don't see why I need to be dragged into this.
Mickey: Because we can't let Tork and Rimmer, and to a lesser extent, the cow, know that Lita's gone.
Lita 42: Well, it would be kind of hard to notice, until say, 9000 attacks us.
Mickey: I can just say it's a misguided(what's one no one uses) 1028.
Lita 42: Ok, I'll help. What do I need to do?
Mickey: I don't know. She's always saying she's the Queen Bitch. Can you be a Queen Bitch?
Lita 42: Damn straight. (Gets the gun and poins it at Mickey again)
Mickey: You're good.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Knows he's offended Lita about 5 times in this reply, but luckilly, she won't know about it.
(She does realize I don't mean anything by it, right? Right?)
#1120
Lita42: I'm gonna make this work.
Date: 11/26/2001
From: Carmelita42
42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42 42
<Carmelita42 steps into whichever room or cabin at the ranch people are congregating in at the moment. Rimmer and the cow are both there. Tork, I suppose, is running from Nastia. I don't know where Cave Rimmer is.>
Lita42: Hi guys!
Rimmer: Hi, 42.
Lita42: I'm not 42! I'm 9000! See my shirt?
<42 is wearing a shirt with a big 9000 printed across the front.>
Rimmer: Hey, Lita told me about what happens when wayward clones try to steal her identity. It isn't pretty. They end up with their real number tattooed across their foreheads so that nobody makes any mistakes about them again.
Lita42: Oh yeah… er… well… I don't have to worry about that, since I really *AM* 9000! Heh!
cow: Where's Evil Mooike?
Lita42: Evil Mike? He's uh… well… um…
<Mickey comes through the door looking a bit haggard.>
Lita42: Hey! There's Mickey! I just beat him up a few minutes ago, because I'm 9000, and that's the kind of thing 9000 does! Hey, Mickey! I bet you can tell Rimmer and my cow where Evil Mike is, can't you?
Rimmer: Don't you know?
Lita42: Of course I know! I always keep track of my henchman! That's what being 9000 is all about! I just wanted to see if Mickey knows! Mickey?
Mickey: Urgh… <he falls down>
Lita42: Oops! I guess I beat him up too good. Boy, horses really suck, don't they? *nervous laugh*
Lita 42-- er-- 9000
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
isn't in the market for any new tattoos
Mickey seems all out of sorts today.
Is it something 9000-- (er, I mean…)
Is it something I said?
#1121
OOC:
Date: 11/26/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
<<OOC/Rat Mode <:8)))~~~>>
Sorry I haven't been here much. I always stop in a read this post. I know I don't rp that much but things are becoming hectic for me. I try to rp but it always seems I'm out of touch with what's been happening. Like I said, i have read every reply here but that's not to say I always comprehend it when i read it quickly.
I love it when you guys write for me! You guys make me funnier than I am in real life. I hope to continue reading what you guys say about me!
I'm not leaving by any means, i just want to give you all an explanation as to why I'm not around as much as all of you are. I hope I'm not holding any of you up. If you absolutely would like me to reply in the rp you can say 'TAG: Rimmi' at the end of your post. I'll be there as soon as i can.
I would also like to say that I'm a little shocked Mickey was easily made happy. I thought for sure you'd put PM through the wringer! Oh well. Whatever makes your boat float, MickeyD!
IC:
Rimmi: Gosh I've been wearing this dress for an extended amount of rp time. I need to wear something new. <Goes through Lita's clothes because Jessica's clothes are to poofy. She pulls out Lita's angry goth outfit.> Ah ha! Surely if Lita is too confused to know where Evil Mike is she won't miss this!
#1122
<At MSTBlanca... again...>
Date: 11/26/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.....................................................
<Suite walks in, whistling a cheery tune (and that's the closest thing he gets to a line in this reply because, as I've mentioned before, I cannot write lyrics, music, or poetry. Any writing talent I have lies in prose.). Barbie, Ken, and Castleton look on.>
Barbie: Hey, Boss!
PM: Yeah?
Barbie: What's wrong with that guy?
PM: Nothing's wrong with him.
Barbie: Why is his face all pointy?
Castleton: Why is his face all red?
Ken: Where did he get that suit? Can I get a suit like that?
Barbie: You would look good in a suit like that.
PM: Stop that! It's rude to stare!
Barbie: Oh! Sorry!
Ken: Sorry, Boss.
Castleton: Ditto.
PM: Why don't you guys make yourselves useful. Wait tables or sweep the floor or clean up or something.
Ken: Ok! We'll get right to work!
<They do. And Nabut slides up to Pharaoh Mobius.>
Nabut: Hey, I was just wondering…
PM: Yes?
Nabut: You've got these three here. They're completely ready to believe anything you say. You could probably get them to do anything you want. But you're having them do stupid little chores that you could easily get done without corrupting anybody's memories… Why is that?
PM: Look. If this place is a mess, it's entirely their fault. It's only fitting that they clean it up, wouldn't you agree?
Nabut: It's just that--
PM: Don't worry about it. I'm just starting them off slow so that they don't get suspicious. But I do have plans for something far… more… sinister… ah ha ha ha ha, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!1!!1!!!
Ken: Hey, Boss.
PM: HA HA HA-- *GAAAK!!!* Ken!!! Don't sneak up on me like that!!!
Ken: Oh. Sorry about that. Don't worry, I didn't hear what you were laughing maniacally about.
PM: Good! Not that it was anything you would care about… What do you want?
Ken: <Holds up some small, unidentifiable creature> I found this thing crawling around by the soup. What do you want me to do with it?
PM: Uh… What the hell is that?
***
<Meanwhile, grandmapa is by now completely drunk off his ass. Barbie walks up and puts another drink down at his table.>
Barbie: You're drink, Sir.
gramps: <squints at her blearily> Heeyyy… Litur… Whatcha doinnn hyere?
Barbie: Who's Litur? I'm Barbie.
gramps: Whassa? <he sways a little as he looks at her again.> Ohh… mmy missschtake. *hic* I thoughtcha were ssssssomebody yelse. Thankssssch fer the drink... Burrbie… *hic* Keepem comin… <he takes a drink and passes out.>
Barbie: Sure thing!
Barbie
can't remember her tagline
Not that I would know about any of this,
but Mickey seems to think I'm waaaay more sensitive than I actually am.
Like I'm so fragile or something.
How rude! I'm deeply offended! Hmph!
;P
#1123
"9000": Get this man some soup!
Date: 11/26/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Yup. At the ranch again
(everybody looks at 42)
"9000": I mean, don't get him soup, because he's an addict, and addicts are dirty. I've gotta clean my attic. Get it? (Nervous laugh) OK, I'll admit it, I'm drunk.
Tork: Sounds like the real Lita to me.
Rimmer: I would think they all like to get drunk. They're all the same.
("9000" poins a gun at Rimmer)
Rimmer (puts her arms up): OK! You're the real Lita!
("9000" puts the gun away)
Mickey (still on the floor, whispers): Nice going. You almost blew it.
("9000" kicks Mickey; Mickey gets up)
"9000": So, Mickey, you still haven't told us...um, them, where Evil Mike is.
Mickey: Silly Lita. Don't you remember. You killed him.
Rimmer: WHAT?
Mickey: She caught that cheating bastard in bed with Kathie Lee Gifford.
Rimmer: Ewwwww!
"9000": Men.
Mickey: Tell me about it.
Rimmer: All right, so I'll pretend that you're the real Lita. But why the cover up Mickey?
Mickey: What coverup?
Rimmer: This is so obviously 42. Don't worry, I won't tell Lita.
42: Well, that's a relief.
Rimmer: Tork was right. About the amnesia thing.
Mickey: I don't know. Who are you people?
Rimmer: Not you. Lita.
Mickey: Yes'm.
Rimmer: So, why didn't you tell us?
Mickey: The truth would be so horr-
Rimmer: Oh, would you cut that out?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
fdshfgj;hfjghkfghvjknn
#1124
<Tork is hiding in the barn.>
Date: 11/26/2001
From: Carmelita42
.......................................................
<He is lying under a pile of straw. Tentatively, he raises his head and looks around to see if Nastia is there. He sees no sign of her, and breathes a sigh of relief.>
Tork: Oh good… she seems to have given up. Mail order bride.... What was I thinking?
<Suddenly, a pitchfork plunges down into the straw in front of him, narrowly missing his head.>
Tork: AACK!!! No! Not you!!! Where did you come from??
<He gets up and runs, being chased closely by a surprisingly agile old woman who weilds her pitchfork like a pro.>
Tork: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Lucinda: mumblegrumble mirf murumble!!!!
***
<Inside the lodge, where Rimmer, Lita 42, and Mickey have congregated.>
Lita42: Ok. So you found out I'm not really 9000. Can I still pretend to be 9000?
Rimmer: Well… I don't know. Lita tends to get pissed off when clones try to be her. Remember last time?
Lita42: Yeah. 3000 got uppity. *shudder*
Rimmer: Yeah, I really think you should just be happy being 42.
<Tork and Lucinda run past the window in a blur. A noisy blur.>
Tork: …aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lucinda: …mumblemumblegARBLEMUMBLEFurmurmurumble…
(See? That was a sound effect! They're getting louder and quieter because they're getting closer and then farther away! Neat, huh? HUH?)
Lita42: Still, can I be 9000? Please? Just until Real 9000 gets back? It's not like she's using the title!
Rimmer: I just don't get what the point would be.
Lita42: Well… I don't know. It was Mickey's idea.
Rimmer: Mickey?
Mickey: Oh, I was just thinking that--
<Tork and Lucinda run screaming past the window again, but this time from the other direction.>
Mickey: Ok… uh… I was just going to say that--
<Lucinda chases Tork by the window again.>
Mickey: The hell? Ok. Anyway, like I was saying, before I was so *rudely* interrupted--
<They run by again.>
Mickey: Oh, for CRYING OUT LOUD!!! I give up!! Obviously God doesn't want me to explain myself. Fine! Whatever! I'll just keep my reasons to myself!
Rimmer: No, I think whatever it is has stopped. Please, I'm interested in your opinion. Calm down. Take a deep breath. It's not good for your health to get so upset. Do you need some water?
Mickey: I'm fine. It's just frustrating and all. Anyway, the reason I wanted 42 to pretend to be 9000 was--
<Lucinda, pitchfork raised, a ball of aged, mumbling fury, chases Tork past the window again as he screams in terror. Mickey crosses his arms and sits down grumbling to himself. It's probably better that nobody can understand what he's saying.>
Rimmer: What the hell is going on out there?
<Rimmer opens the door and looks outside. Tork pushes in past her, nearly knocking her over. Lucinda throws her pitchfork, and it hits the door and stays there like an oversized dart, nearly hitting Rimmer.>
Rimmer: OH FUDGE!!!
<Well, maybe she said fudge. In any case, Rimmer slams the door closed and locks it. Lucinda pounds furiously from the outside.>
Lita42: I suppose somebody should move a large piece of furniture in front of the window so that Lucinda can't come in.
<She looks meaningfully at Tork and Mickey. But Mickey is still grumbling to himself in a world of his own, and Tork is lying on the floor trying to catch his breath.>
Lita42: Fine. I'll do it. I sure wish that bookcase didn't have so many books in it…
Rimmer: <Still holding the door closed, even though she locked it already.> Tork!!! What did you do???
Imposter Lita 9000
Fake Queen Bitch
Fake President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Fake President of the I Hate Haburglar Club
Fake Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Ok. Tork was in the Lodge in the last reply. But he got up and left and ran and hid immediately after his one line without telling anybody, so it didn't appear in the reply, ok? (Geez, I hate it when I notice these things after I've typed up the reply...)
#1125
<THUD!!!>
Date: 11/26/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Rimmer: What the hell was that?
(Everyone looks out the window, except for Mickey, whos still mumbling to himself, and Tork, who's currently wetting his pants, and the Cow, who's a cow, and a fake one at that. So I guess everyone isn't looking, it's just 42 and Rimmer)
42: Hey, it's Cave Rimmer!!! And she hit that bad person over the head with her club!
Tork: Yay?
Rimmer: Well, I guess we're safe, until, I don't know, she gets back up.
(Cave Rimmer starts dragging Lucinda's body into the river. Will it work? Probably not. But I want attention, so this reply is about me from now on).
42: As you were saying, Mickey?
Mickey: No.
(Wow. That didn't work. In that case, let's go back to MSTBlanca, where it seems action is starting to heat up)
Gramps (Now concious, but still very drunk): Issswear I no u from somwear. (OK, not very good. But I can't write drunk. And I can't write drunk, either. Little joke there, get it? Ah, crap).
PM (now over at Gramps' table): Hey, all your drinks are free tonight. We've got a special tonight. All minors drink for free.
Barbie: He's a minor? Boss, that's not nice.
PM: He's not a minor, he's a very young looking ol...oh, crap. I already said he was a minor, didn't I?
Barbie: Yes, you did.
PM: Well, sometimes it's a good thing.
Barbie: It's never a good thing. Forgive me for saying this boss, but you're a jerk.
(Gramps passes out again)
Barbie: See, you big, big jerk.
(Uh-oh, someone's close to getting caught. But we'll save that for another time. Let's head back to the ranch again)
Rimmer: C'mon, Mickey, I'll give you a cookie.
Mickey: What kind?
Rimmer: I don't know. I was only kidding. Didn't think you'd really react if I offered you a cookie.
Mickey: Well, since it looks like things are calm, I'll tell you what's going on. See, PM got to Lita, and now she and Evil Mike think they work for him, and...
Rimmer: So, Evil Mike's not dead. Good. Oh, and the rest of that stuff sucks. Why the act, though?
Mickey: Because PM doesn't know he has the real Lita, and...and...Well, I thought it was a good idea when I came up with it.
Tork (who just changed): Actually, that's not a bad idea.
Cow: Yes it is! Can't you see that this moo-an needs professional help?
Rimmer: But she's with Evil Mike. That's a dead giveaway.
Mickey: Not nessecaraly. Amnesia or no, I don't think even he knows sometimes. And if he does know it's not the real one, do you really think he's going to complain?
Rimmer: True. He *is* a slut.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Can't keep track of everywhere Tork is. He gets around.
#1126
<gramps wakes up...
Date: 11/27/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
from his drinking-induced stupor>
gramps: Ugh... I have such a headache... how long have I been asleep, Lita?
Barbie: I'm not Lita, I'm Barbie! And this is my beautiful husband Ken, and this is our butler, Castleton! Who might you be, old man boy in a dress guy?
gramps: Ummm, Lita? I didn't happen to hit you just a little *too* hard with those Birkenstocks, did I?
Barbie: I'm Barbie, and I don't remember anything about... well, anything! My strange Egyptian bar owning boss told me all about myself, though! <poins at Pharfaofafphpafoh>
gramps: O-kay! Lita, I think it's about time we get you back to the wide world of drinking, seeing as sobriety seems to have made you go a little dry in the noggin! Speaking of dry... Sam, martini, NOW! <gets a martini, of course> Now go on, Lita, drink! Don't be shy!
Barbie: I'm Barbie, and I'm, ummm... UNDERAGED! I'm only seventeen! And you are too, mister!
gramps: GASP! Wow, I'm fourteen and I'm in here passing out all the time. This is getting old... <gramps pries Lita's mouth open and pours the martini down her throat> Now see, don't you feel better?
Barbie: No, not really. I don't feel the slightest bit slushy or wobbly, or vomity for that matter.
gramps: I'll be right back. <bursts into Pharaoh's office> What in Sam Hill is going on here?!
Sam Hill: I'm baaaaaaack! Tee-hee, boop boop! *wink*
gramps: Huh. <hits him over the head with walker, redering him unconscious> Now... what's wrong with Lita, Evil McPlanningFiend?!
PM: It seems you've stumbled upon something that is none of your business, gramps. Now you go back to your drinking for free... you do remember our deal, right? <holds up picture of gramps's piggy demon> If this gets out, you know what'll happen...
gramps: Who cares! It seems she doesn't remember anything, so why should she care? Oh, and blackmail is against the law, so blah!
PM: And you're calling underage drinking perfectly legal?
gramps: In that case... I'll be getting back to my drinking! Sorry for the interruption, you won't hear a peep out of me! <conjures up a nice Health Inspector Voodoo Doll for Phaafpafarhoh to cause many fun curses upon his dreaded enemies> Have fun with this new toy!
PM: That's a good gramps! Now go back on the hard liquor, and remember...
gramps: Fine, just let me drink! <grabs up a bottle of vodka and starts chugging>
*BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRP!*
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Second Place Winner Wacky Races 2001!
Is secretly planning to get
the truth out of Pharaoh,
but might need some help
from the allies.
HELP!
#1127
<Barbie heads over to PM, pouting.>
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...................................................
PM: Yes? What do you want now?
Barbie: I just don't know that it's right. Serving drinks to a minor. There should be a law.
PM: Well, there isn't. So what are you going to do? Better get back to work.
Barbie: But I think this is wrong! I can't do it! Besides, I'm a minor too. I don't think I should even be serving alcohol to anybody…
PM: *sigh* All right. Look at it this way. If we don't serve drinks, we don't make money. See?
Barbie: Who needs money? There are more important things in life than mon--
PM: If we don't make money, we can't pay the bills. And if we can't pay the bills, we'll all end up living out on the street.
Barbie: On the street? Isn't that dangerous? What about the cars?
PM: So you can see why that would be a bad thing. And what about food?
Barbie: Food?
PM: Yeah! We'd need to steal clothes from the orphans just so we can eat!
Barbie: Oh, those poor orphans!
PM: And what about the puppies! Didn't you think about those poor innocent puppies?
Barbie: Oh no! Not the puppies!
PM: Yes!
Barbie: Oh, I'm so sorry, Boss! I never looked at it that way before! I'll get back to work!
PM: You'd better hurry, I just got the electric bill today!
Barbie: AHH!!!
<In a frenzy, Barbie starts frantically serving drinks to everybody in the bar, efficient as all get out. Some people hadn't even ordered anything yet.>
PM: *smiles* Yep. I still got it.
Barbie
Not the puppies!!1!
#1128
[Barbie] I know what you said...
Date: 11/27/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[Barbie]...about the puppies, boss, but I still don't think it's a good idea to serve drinks to a minor!
[PM smiles in a flash of inspiration.] And I still don't see what's so wrong with serving drinks to a guy who digs coal out of the ground all day!
[Barbie] Hunh? What does that have to do with him being underaged?-- Wait a minute. Have you been saying "m-i-n-O-r", or "m-i-n-E-r"?
[PM, innocently.] Why, "m-i-n-E-r", of course! It would be illegal to sell drinks to an "m-i-n-O-r"!
[Barbie] Yeah, that's what I was talking about!
[PM] Besides, it's obvious that ol' Gramps is a really OLD old coot! Just look at him!
[Barbie] But what was that he was saying about being 14?
[PM] Err... dog years! Gramps measures his age in dog years! Y'know, just him and Lorne Greene! "Fourteen dog years: that's 98 to you and me!" Don't know why he does it. Guess it's the booze talking!
[Barbie] Well, that makes sense. But why does he keep calling me "Lita"?
[PM] Well, obviously it's because he's SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!! [Barbie instantly goes to sleep. PM catches her and sets her gently into one of the booths. Then he takes her waitress tray and slams it on the table.]
[Barbie] Wha? Who? Hunh?!?!?
[PM] Sleeping on the job, eh?
[Barbie] I'm sorry boss! It won't happen again!!!
[PM] Well, since it's your first infraction I'll let you off with a warning. Meanwhile, you've been working pretty hard, so take a 15-minute break. When you're done with that, make sure the grease gets changed in the fryer, ok?
[Barbie] Okay! Sure thing! Thanks, boss!!!!!! [She runs off.]
[Sam] You still got it, Big Daddy.
[PM] Just goes to show why I'm the master criminal around here.
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Poor, poor Li-- I mean, Barbie!
Sarcophagus!
#1129
Rimmi: heh heh heh....
Date: 11/27/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
<Mickey and Tork try to keep the door shut so Lucinda can't get in.>
Rimmi: <still> heh heh heh.....
Mickey: What's so funny? Oof! <the door bulges out like in a cartoon and hits him> Argh!
Rimmi: heh heh heh... I just had a plan. Later guys! <she heads upstairs and makes a little phone call> Yeah.... hi! It's me, Rim. Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it?...... I'm doing well. Can't complain- say, I have a question for you? I'm afraid my friends, Lita and Evil Mike, have been doing drugs. ...... Yeah, they've been acting really strange and I can't find them but I think I know where they are. .... It's called MSTBlanca but word on the street is that it's an opium den. Yep. Drugs all over the place! ...... Oh really? That's horrible! You say you can help me? ..... Great! Thanks! <Rimmer hangs up and somewhere in the secret location a van revs up it's engines and heads toward MSTBlanca. Rimmi rubs her hands together evilly> Rimmi loves genital mutilation!
#1130
Rimmer: Mickey!
Date: 11/27/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
are you eavesdropping on me?
Mickey: No. Why you ask?
Rimmer: Because you've got the other phone.
Mickey: Oh, that I do. I was just going to call Ortega, see the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik® is in the shop.
Rimmer: Oh. All right then. I'm going over to MSTBlanca...because I'm thirsty. Because it's where you go when you're thirsty. (leaves)
Tork: So, what'd you hear?
Mickey: This is going to be fun. Come on, everybody. You too, "9000"
42: Oh, will you give it up, already.
Mickey: Shutup! I like my plan, damn it! (picks up 42's gun) NOW WE'RE GOING TO FOLLOW MY PLAN, OKAY?
Tork: Yeah, sure.
42: OK.
Mickey: GOOD. (Puts gun in his pocket, just in case). Let's go. (everyone leaves)
Cow: Hello? What about moo-ee? Oh well (knocks the phone off the hook) Timoo-e for a party!
(While outside, Mickey, Tork, and 42 run into Lucinda)
Mickey: Oh yeah. Forgot about her. (sets her on fire)
Tork: That wasn't very nice, Mr. Bboard Nice Guy.
Mickey: She was trying to kill you!
Tork: Still wasn't very nice though.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Hopes cow doesn't make too much of a mess
#1131
[PM] What the Sam Scratch are you doing?
Date: 11/27/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Hunh?!? Mode>>>
[Ken and Barbie are putting up all sorts of posters around MSTBlanca. The posters are emblazoned with slogans such as "Just Say NO!", "Friends Don't Let Kids Drink!", and "Hugs, Not Drugs!". They're practically wallpapering the inside and outside of the bar with 'em!]
[PM] I thought I told you two to finish off the dishes from the lunch crowd!
[Ken] Oh, we did! But now that we have some spare time, we want to pursue this project! It's *very* close to our hearts!
[Barbie] That's right, Ken! You see, boss, that mix-up I had earlier when I thought you were saying "minor" with an "o" got me thinking. As a respectable business, we at MSTBlanca should do everything we can to raise awareness about substance abuse! So, Ken and I are putting up these posters!
[Ken] Yeah, and we're handing out fliers here at the bar, and at the local schools! It's a great way to make a statement!
[PM] Yeah, whatever. Sounds like a plan. At least you're keeping out of trouble this way.
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Those crazy kids! What will they do next?
Sarcophagus!
#1132
testing holiday handle
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
nt
#1133
Hey! It works! I remembered it!
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
I remembered my password and stuff! Yay for me!
#1134
I remembered my password too!!
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Let_It_Schmoe
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
#1135
The trick is...
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
................................................
...to use the same password as for your regular handle.
Schmoe! You messed up the reply screen and made it all stretchy! That's very naughty! You're going to get a lump of coal!
#1136
stop wasting replies
Date: 11/27/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
Or I'll introduce you to...THE MOVIE!
< Tork is carrying a bootleg video marked:
Star Wars Holiday Special!
Read it and weep at:
http://www.stomptokyo.com/movies/star-wars-holiday-special.html
Tork_110
doesn't watch many awful non-Mstied movies, but wastes plenty of time reading about them
#1137
I remembered my Wacky Race password!
Date: 11/27/2001
From: ArmoredMickey
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
(A New Hampshire auto repair shop)
Ortega: I don't get it, he said he'd call.
Mechanic: Well, here's your problem.
Ortega: I'll tell you what the problem is: Mr. "Doesn't write, doesn't call because he's off with his new friends all the time".
Mechanic: I was just going to tell you you were out of gas.
Ortega: Oh.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Hey, this isn't wasted. It's part of the story (kind of).
#1138
Barbie: Hey, Boss!
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..................................
Barbie: I got something for ya!
PM: Eh? What's that?
Barbie: It's a red ribbon! Like the ones Ken and I are wearing. We're getting everybody to wear one.
PM: I thought you were on an anti-drug thing. Aren't red ribbons for AIDS awareness?
Barbie: Not during Red Ribbon Week, silly! These ones are different anyway. See?
<Barbie holds up one of her ribbons. It has "Drug Free and Proud!" written on it in gold lettering. Barbie pins it onto PM's chest.>
Barbie: There! Now everybody who sees you will know you don't put up with any drugs in your restaurant, because this is a respectable establishment!
PM: Yeah… Do you ever actually do any work anymore?
Barbie: Ha ha! You're so funny, Boss!
PM: I was serious…
<Barbie, not listening, heads over to Sam.>
Barbie: Hey, Sam!
Sam: Heeeeeyyy, Barbie! What's up?
Barbie: Ken and I are handing out these red ribbons so that we can show everybody that we are all "Drug Free and Proud!" Here, I've got one for you!
Sam: You want *me* to wear one of those? <He laughs heartily in Barbie's face. He expects that she'll take the hint and mope away dejectedly, but when he's done, she's still standing there smiling up at him hopefully.> Oh, all right. I'll take one.
Barbie: Thanks!
<Barbie turns to give ribbons to more people. While she's not looking, Sam pulls out a pen and scribbles out the "Fr" from "Drug Free and Proud!">
Sam: Heh heh… I'm a *genius!!*
<Barbie goes up to Suite's table, completely oblivious to the fact that he's an evil Music Demon, bent on the destruction of innocent human life, through the use of snappy tunes. He's not going to sing in this reply. I think you'd all thank me if you'd ever read any of my attempts at poetry.>
Barbie: Hi, Mr. Satan-ey Looking Music Guy! Do you want a red ribbon?
Suite: Why, yes. I think I will take one. It'll match my suit.
Barbie: But… your suit is blue.
Suite: Oh! So it is! <Suite does an impressive flourish with his hands, and his suit turns red to match the ribbon.> Is that better?
Barbie: Hey, wow! That was really cool! You sure are one Heck of a dresser!
Suite: Well, you're pretty close… Hey, Babs, remind me to have a dance with you later, ok?
Barbie: Oh, you! *giggle*
<Barbie looks around. Between the two of them, she and Ken have gotten everybody in the bar (employees and patrons alike) wearing red ribbons.>
Barbie: Neat!
<She picks up her waitress tray and gets back to work.>
Barbie
Drug Free and Proud!
#1139
Riddle me this!
Date: 11/27/2001
From: Riddler_n_Hamburglar
Robble Robble Robble!
#1140
Happy new year!!!
Date: 11/28/2001
From: YearoftheGardener
Hi, I'm Dick Clark.......
(Rimmer is crossing the bridge, when many small animals, not the ones Evil Mike uses, even smaller animals, run past her. They've all got party hats on)
Rimmer: The hell? Oh well, never mind. (Continues on her way)
(Mickey, Tork, and 42 stop to pick up Cave Rimmer, and start following Rimmer)
Mickey (whispers): Now everybody, be qui...
Cave Rimmer: A MOUSE!!! KILL IT!!! (starts swinging her club wildly)
Mickey: Oh nice going.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Well, I guess we've all been drinking tonight.
#1141
Vroom Vroom Vroom!!
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Lita_n_Spidey
.....................................
Hey! One of my clones stole Spidey! Stop her!!!
Oh, wait, that's not Spidey. That's a completely different spider. It's not even a Giant Spider Car. It's not even a Giant Spider. Just a regular old normal sized little Daddy Long Legs!
My mistake!
#1142
I just wanted reply 1142. n/t
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Carmelita42
..................................................
n/t
#1143
MUST DESTROY!!!
Date: 11/28/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
This eeeeeeeeveeeel has to be stopped!!! Especially seeing as it is my duty as an officer of both the I Hate Riddler and I Hate Hamburglar Clubs, of which I am Vice-Prez and President of, respectively!!!
<throws a big, bald middle-aged man in prison stripes at the two hardened criminals> You two must have forgotten your beloved boyfriend, Harold, from prison! He's very upset that you didn't even send him flowers for his birthday, and he's wondering why you haven't written him back! How about y'all get your relationships worked out, shall we? <Harold proceeds to crack his knuckles>
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIITAAAAAAAA!!!!
pagrandma?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
The Proud Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
The Honored President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
The Jealous Second Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
#1144
BOO!!!
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
Aaaah, the moment has passed...
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Sorry, needed to get one more in. Hey look over there! Isn't that Crow? (Everyone looks, Mickey runs away)
#1145
<The Angels' Van pulls up outside...>
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................
<…and 7 heavily armed women rush into MSTBlanca.>
Teacher Lady: All right, you jerks! Where are the drugs?
Barbie: Drugs? We don't have any drugs.
Ken: Drugs are bad.
<Shine Your Love Chick and Karate Girl both sidle up to Ken, and start massaging his shoulders seductively.>
Karate Girl: You sure you don't have any drugs?
SYLC: A big handsome man like this wouldn't lie to us, would he?
Ken: Hey, ladies. You got me all wrong. It's not that I don't appreciate your attentions, but you must realize, I'm spoken for. And I'm a one-woman man. You see, I've always felt that when you cheat on your partner, you aren't just cheating your partner, you're also cheating yourself. So I'm going to have to politely ask you two to kindly remove your tongues from my ears.
Barbie: Oh, Ken!
Ken: Oh, Barbie!
<They gaze lovingly into each other's eyes in a truly mushy fashion>
PM: Oh, puke.
Teacher Lady: Hey, do you own this place?
PM: Yes, I do. And there are no drugs here.
Black Chick: <to the narrator… I guess that would be me.> Ahem! I'm sure you meant to call me African American Woman!
<Oh. Sorry!>
African American Woman: That's better. <to PM> I don't happen to believe you. We got a call saying that this was an opium den!
PM: Well, you were misinformed. Look at our decorating scheme!
Cop Lady: There are lots of anti-drug posters…
SYLC: Don't I know you from somewhere?
PM: No.
Model Lady: <Grabs Barbie menacingly by the collar> What about you, huh? I bet you're high right now!
Barbie: You're right! But the drug I'm high on, is life!
Model Lady: I thought so! <She pulls back her brass knuckled fist to give Barbie a good punch in the teeth.>
Barbie: Eek!
Cop Woman: No! Stop! Look! Life is number 3 on our list of approved drugs!
Model Lady: Oh! Never mind.
African American Woman: But I bet you know who does do drugs around here, don't you! <She puts Barbie in a headlock>
Barbie: *choke* lemme think!
African American Woman: Fine. <she doesn't loosen the headlock.>
Teenaged Girl Who is Really Too Young For This Line of Work, and Should Really Have Her Case Looked Into By Child Protective Services: <poins at Sam> Hey! Look!
Teacher Lady: What?
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: That guy over there! He's wearing a ribbon that say's he's a Drugee and Proud!
PM: Sam! I never knew about this behavior! How could you?
Karate Girl: All right! We get him now!
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Can I interrogate this one? I love interrogations!
Karate Girl: Sure thing! I let you use my sword!
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Yippee!
Sam: Look's like it's time to ditch this scene, Baby. <He hits his watch and invisibles himself.>
Teacher Lady: Oh, darn!
Karate Girl: Don't worry. We get him later.
Barbie: *all excited* Hey! I just remembered something!
PM: *suddenly worried* No! No you didn't!
Barbie: Yes I did!
African American Woman: Well, you'd better hurry up and tell us about it before I pop your head off like a cork!
Ken: Oh, now I really don't think that violence is necessary. And I thought I asked you girls to stop touching me like that. I'm not interested, ok? I'm taken.
Barbie: I just remembered--
PM: Nothing! You remembered Nothing!
Barbie: No, I remembered that Nabut's evil identical cousin or whatever is a soup addict!
Cop Woman: He is? <She looks through her list> Nope! Soup isn't on the list of approved drugs!
African American Woman: Good. <She lets go of Barbie.> You can live. Let's get that guy! What was his name?
PM: Mickey.
Barbie: And he's over there!
<Barbie poins toward the window, where Mickey is peering in. African American Woman and Model Lady go grab him and drag him inside. They mostly ignore the rest of the group that has passed out in a drunken stupor outside the window.>
SYLC: Hey… Mickey… that name sounds familiar.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Didn't he try to drown you?
SYLC: It wasn't that guy. But some guy named Mickey did try to drown me, yes.
Teacher Lady: I thought they found out later on that he was framed. That, in fact, you just tripped and fell into the water… or something like that.
SYLC: Yeah… Some guy named Mickey tried to kill me. And your name is Mickey, isn't it, Mickey! I can still take my revenge on you!
Karate Girl: I don't know if that's such a good idea. Remember how mad Disney people were at us the last time…
Mickey: My name isn't Mickey anyway!
Model Lady: It isn't?
Mickey: No! It's… er… (think, Mickey, think!) Mick E. (uhm…)
Cop Woman: Mick E.?
Mickey: Yeah! Mick E. Ursofine!
SYLC: Mick E. Ursofine?
Mickey: Why, thank you! *chuckle*
<Nobody else laughs. The bar is silent.>
Teacher Lady: That was terrible.
Mickey: Sorry.
African American Woman: I was going to say that we should let this cracker go, since it's obvious he doesn't know anything important, but now I think we should just tie him up all funny so that he looks like he's doing it with one of the local statues.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Cool!
<The Angels start to drag Mickey out the door.>
Mickey: Oh, I see, Lita. You wrote this entire long-winded reply just so you could get some stupid revenge for what happened when we tied you up that other time, didn't you? Took you long enough to get to the real point, didn't it? How long is this reply, 5 pages?
<The Angels stuff a rag into Mickey's mouth to shut him up, and pull him into their van.>
Karate Girl: And tell Sam we find him soon! <She slides the door shut, and they drive off, presumably to find some suitable public square to tie Mickey up in.>
Barbie: What was he talking about? Who's Lita?
PM: Don't mind him. It's just the insane ramblings of a disturbed soup addict. Sad really.
Ken: Well, at least he was able to enter a suitable rehab program! Now he'll get the treatment he needs!
PM: Rehab program?
Ken: Yeah. That's what those women do, right?
Barbie
Boy, is it hard to keep track of all those Angels.
I'm not trying that again in the near future, that's for sure!
#1146
WHAT? Why you little...
Date: 11/28/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
.........so and so....
Shame on you, using Rimmer's plot point to humiliate me.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Why is it always me? There *are* other people to pick on, you know.
#1147
Tork: Hunh....
Date: 11/28/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
(Mickey is reluctantly) dragged by)
Rimmer: Well, that'll teach him to eavesdrop on me.
Tork: Rimmer, I *think* he already knows how to eavesdrop on you.
Rimmer: That's not what I meant. Come on, let's go back to the ranch and think of something else.
(As the van drives off, Rimmer, Tork, 42, and Cave Rimmer cross the bridge and are about to enter the lodge, when...)
Tork: Anybody else here loud music?
42: Must be your bride to be blasting her Nsync cd.
Tork: No, this is music. I just think it's weird, seeing as how we're the only ones staying here.
(They open the door)
Cave Rimmer: MICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(starts swinging her club wildly)
Rimmer 9ducking to avoid errant swings): Oh, they're so cute, with their little party hats. (Picks one up, and starts "baby-talking" it)
Tork: This place is a mess. What's going on here? Cow?
Cow: Oh crap. Kill the moo-sic.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
hfehnjkbnzbiehao
#1148
Oh fine, Mickey! I see how it is!
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
>I'm always more surly when using this handle. It's a psychological thing.<
Seems like it wasn't too long ago that you were all complaining that you weren't getting enough attention in this rp, so I give you some attention, and what happens? "Oh, gee! That's too much attention! I don't like fame as much as I thought I would! Let me out of this spotlight and pick on somebody else!"
Fine. From now on, no more attention from me, no Sir! I can take a hint. Blah to you, Mister Mickey T. Gardener!
Aw… Just one more for the road. To get it out of my system. But that's it! Then I'm done, Complainey McWhinington! *sniff* (Hmph, and you call *me* sensitive!)
<Mickey is in the middle of a nearby town, tied to a statue of some town founder. And he's really tired of being there. Presently, Sheriff Alan Hale approaches.>
Sheriff Hale: Now, what do you think you're doing up there, Boy? We've gotten several complaints about you're being there. Now, I was young once too. I know how it is, it all seems like fun and games, until somebody gets hurt!
Mickey: Actually, this isn't all *that* much fun.
Sheriff Hale: Now, don't get smart with me, Son. I just want you to come down from there and quit offending the locals.
Mickey: I would love to come down. But I can't. I'm tied up here. Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were a sheriff in Wisconsin, not in…. uh… wherever we are….
Sheriff Hale: Don't change the subject!
Mickey: Weren't you shoved up a giant spider's butt a really long time ago?
Sheriff Hale: That's it, Kid. I'm going to have to arrest you for public indecency, and for reminding me that I was in a spider's butt. That's not a pleasant experience to be reminded of, you know. Now, come down from there! Don't make me go up there and get you!
Mickey: I told you, I can't come down! I'm tied up here! See the ropes?
Sheriff Hale: <He looks up at the statue. He doesn't like the idea of climbing up there, it seems like an awful lot of physical exertion.> Resisting Arrest, huh? Fine, Smarty. You can just stay up there until I can get a couple of rookies over here to get you down. And then you can go to jail! How do you like that, Junior?
Mickey: I really don't.
Sheriff Hale: Well, you should have thought of that before you tried this little prank of yours.
There. That's it. No more attention from me. Deal with it! (Ok, I realize that you said to go pick on somebody else, but still… Deal with it!) Hmph!!!1!1!!!
#1149
Seeing as how it was a joke
Date: 11/28/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I'm quite surprised by the reaction.
I have feelings, too, you know, and I also have a new part of the story, just hold on, I need to get used to writing for myself again, seeing as how the last 3 rp replies I wrote hardly, if at all, mention Mr. "Needs Attention All the Time"...
Okay, I got it
____________________________________________________________
Voice: Psssssssssssssssssssssstttttttt....
Mickey (whispers): What? Who's there?
(she steps out of the shadows and it's the Teenaged Girl Who...screw it, you know who I'm talking about. She rode her bike over to the statue.)
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: It's me!
Mickey (whispers): Quiet! What the hell are you doing here?
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) Sorry. Anyway, I think you're the grooviest.
Mickey: (whispers) What are you talkin... (sees TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS looking at him funny)oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) Oh yes yes yes yes yes yes y..
Mickey: (yelling) NO NO NO!
(Sheriff Hale overhears the conversation)
Sheriff Hale: Hey! Who's bothering the prisoner?
Mickey: Uh, no one sir. Just doing my Santa Claus impression. Christmas is coming soon, you know.
Sheriff Hale: Yeah, well...you'll have a lot of time to do your Santa Claus impression where you're going. Where are those two? I'm going to take a nap.
Mickey: You do that. (starts whispering again) You want to get me down from here, googly-eyes?
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispering) Oh, I don't know. The other girls would kill me.
Mickey: (whispering) Oh come on. Soup isn't even a drug, and besides, I've been clean for a couple weeks now. You have to believe me.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) All right. Give me a kiss first.
Mickey: (whispers) What? No. I'm in enough trouble with the law.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: I'm 18! (whispers) I mean, I'm 18.
Mickey: (whispers) Sure you are.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) OK, so I'll be 18 in 3 years.
Mickey: (whispers) I'll wait for you if you let me down.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) Oh...okay. (starts untying Mickey). Don't tell anybody about this.
Mickey: (whispers)Trust me. I'll never speak of this again.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) Well, that's the last rope. You're free.
Mickey: (whispers) Yes! Now go away, kid, you bother me.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: (whispers) Hey, wait a minute...did you mean what you said about waiting for me?
Mickey: (whispers) Uh, sure...I need to go. (gets on TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS's bike) I need to borrow your bike, too. (leaves very fast)
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: I'm going to marry that man.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Tork isn't the only one popular with the underagers.
#1150
Rimmi: I guess if you want something...
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
Rimmi: ...done right, you have to do it yourself.
42: What do you mean?
Rimmer: Obviously our plan to use the Angels to help Lita and Evil Mike escape didn't work. We'd better get back over there. Tork, 42, you two stay here and clean up after Lord Figgybottom's party.
cow: Just because you're a ceramooic cow, doesn't mooean you can't have a little fun!
***
<A few minutes later, the Rimmers are hiding outside MSTBlanca. They see Barbie by herself cleaning the window. Apparently Mickey left smudge marks when he had his face pressed up against it.>
Rimmer: Great! She's by herself! Let's go get her, Cave Rimmer!
<The Rimmers run up to Barbie.>
Barbie: Oh, hi! Who are you-- Ack!
<The Rimmers pull Barbie away from the window and tie her up.>
Barbie: Now that wasn't very nice! I'm trying to do my job here!
Cave Rimmer: Now what?
Rimmer: Just bonk her on the head with your club. That should fix her.
Cave Rimmer: But we don't even know how she got amnesia in the first place. I would think hitting her wouldn't do much unless she got it from being hit on the head to begin with.
Rimmer: Hey, it works in all the TV shows I've ever seen. Just give it a shot.
<Cave Rimmer raises her club and takes aim.>
Barbie: Hey, what are you doing with that cl-- *THUNK!!* Ouch! That really hurt! You two just really don't know how to greet strangers do yo-- *THUNK!!* Hey, you meanies! I don't know who you are, but you can't just treat people this-- *THUNK!!* Wha? Oh, hi Rimmers! What's up! Hey, Rimmi, is that my outfit you're wear-- *THUNK!!*
<Lita's eyes cross and she falls back unconscious.>
Rimmer: Cave Rimmer, you idiot! She had her memory back that last time! You didn't need to hit her again! You've probably just messed her up all over again!
Cave Rimmer: You don't know that. And may I point out, while you sit here and call me an idiot, that I'm the one holding the big club?
Rimmer: Oh. Good poin. Now that you put it that way, I can see why you had to hit her again.
<Just then, Ken walks out.>
Ken: Hey, Barbie, I just came out here because the boss wanted to know why you quit washing the--
<He sees Barbie (Lita?) lying unconscious and tied up on the ground. Then he sees the Rimmers standing by her.>
Ken: Heeeyyy… What are you people doing to my wife?
Rimmer: Wife?
Ken: You heard me! I guess I'd better see if the boss can do anything about this, he's pretty smart… You two troublemakers better clear out before I have to send Nabut out here to chase you off.
<Ken picks Lita (Barbie?) up and carries her back into the bar.>
Rimmer: All right… Cave Rimmer, you had that big club there. Why didn't you even attempt to cure his amnesia, or at least stop him from taking Lita?
Cave Rimmer: Shut up. Not everything is my fault. I didn't see you doing anything heroic with that fancy ass of yours!
Rimmer: What is your problem today?
Cave Rimmer: Just all those mice… they give me the willies…
Barbie
(or is it Lita again? Hmmm.)
P.S. to Mickey: Oh, yeah. Just because I got offended your little remark you didn't mean anything by, and yelled at you for a few minutes for no good reason, that makes me the bitch? Hmph! You'll be attention starved and like it!
:oP
#1151
Hey, Mickey...
Date: 11/28/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...............................................
E-mail me, ok?
------
That was really all I had to say. I may or may not actually contribute more to the plot later tonight, depending on whether or not I'm still busy later tonight.
But so that this isn't completely off topic:
Boy, those Angels are a real bunch of nut bunnies, eh? I have a question.
During the movie, we get to know the Teenaged Girl Who is Really Too Young For This Line of Work, and Should Really Have Her Case Looked Into By Child Protective Services. (I believe her character's actual name is Trish, but I like my name for her better.) Thing is, she really, really wants to join the Angels' group, known officially as The Seven.
She's the seventh member.
Which means that the whole time that TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS just wanted to join The Seven, but the others wouldn't let her because of her advanced youth, The Seven actually only had six members. My question is,
The hell?
Lita
#1152
It's funny...(not really)
Date: 11/29/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7
I was thinking the same thing when I wrote my last reply. Like Grandmapa, I can read your mind, but I know what you're thinking...in the future! So, what do I win?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
sadljflkdsj;ghjfg
(PS: I emailed you a while ago. Sorry for the generic message, but I couldn't think of anything to say. If it didn't work, let me know.)
#1153
Um, hi?
Date: 11/29/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I'm on! They let me in!
Hi everybody! (waves)
____________________________________________________________
(Tork looks out the window, which is broken thanks to some wild party guests...Strong mice, huh? Well, there might have been an ant or two involved, and with they're strentgh...)
Tork: Hey, Mickey's back...and he's riding a girl bike! Ha! The big girl.
42: How'd that happen so fast?
(Mickey enters)
Mickey: Hey everywhat the hell happened in here?
(Cow starts whistling...hey, he's good)
42: Nevermind how it happened. Grab a trash bag and start cleaning over there. (poins over there)
Mickey: You ever here of the concept of please?
42: I don't see any cleaning.
Mickey: Fine. (starts cleaning) Hey, look what I found. (picks up a mouse. It's wearing a party hat. Yes I know, the mice wearing party hats has been established many times by now, but come on, it's cute! And it's wearing a little bow tie, too! Precious!) It's all passed out. It's a mini-Gramps!
(Police sirens are heard approaching the ranch)
Tork: Um, Mickey, you might want to hide.
Mickey: Anything to help me from not cleaning. (goes into kitchen)
Sheriff Hale (knocks on the door; the door immediatly falls off it's hinges. WOW): Um, hello? We got some reports of a big ol' party.
Tork (Making wild assumptions): NO, I DIDN'T ORDER AN UNDERAGED MAIL ORDER BRIDE, SHE WAS FORCED ON ME, SOME MEANER LOOKING OLDER KIDS MADE ME DO IT....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (runs into the kitchen)
Sheriff Hale: Well, that was weird. Excuse me young lady, but...(Sheriff Hale looks at her funny) Don't I know you from somewhere?
42: Probably not.
Sheriff Hale: Wait, now I know...you're that nice lady that deranged lunatic was putting on all his flowers...
42: Was that last sentence even in English?
Sheriff Hale: Yeah...even says your name on that T shirt you're wearing.
42: Oh, this thing? That's not my name. I'll just take it off.
Tork: (comes back in from kitchen): Now that's what I'm talking abou(sees Sheriff Hale) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! (runs off again)
(42 starts to take off the shirt)
Sheriff Hale: No, that...that's quite alright. (42 stops)
Is the spider around?
42: No, but there's something even scarier...horses (Hey, 42 doesn't like horses, either. How 'bout that?)
Sheriff Hale: Well, it looks like the paty's been over for a while. So I'll let you off with a warning.
42: It wasn't my party. (Poins to cow)
Sheriff Hale: An illeagel ceramic cow party, huh...OK, Cow, your coming with me.
Cow: Wha...?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
trigjsjgb094re
#1154
<Lita checks her watch>
Date: 11/30/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.............................................
Hmm… It's been at least 24 hours. I think I'll post again, especially now that the Duh is letting me back on the bboard. I just need to think of a new plot poin… Ok! Got one!
* * *
<Barbie (Lita?) wakes up in MSTBlanca, and there are a whole bunch of people looking at her.>
Lita (Barbie?): Uhh… Wha? Why are all you people looking at me? Heeeyyy… Why am I all tied up?
Ken: Barbie! Are you ok?
Barbie (Lita?): Barbie?! Evil Mike, are you on crack?
Ken: <to PM> Evil Mike? Who's she talking about?
Lita: I'm talking about you! What's your problem?
Castleton: Barbie, he's Ken. Don't you remember?
PM: Oh no. I was afraid this would happen.
Lita: <feeling less and less happy to be where she is> Afraid what would happen? AND MY NAME IS LITA!!!!
PM: Ken, I'm afraid your wife has amnesia.
Lita: Evil Mike!!!! You better not have gone off and gotten married without me!!!
Ken: No!!
Lita: Who is she? Is it Rimmer? Boy is she gonna get it!
Ken: I'm married to you, Sweetheart.
Lita: Oh, for the love of Pete…
PM: It's obvious. Not only does Barbie have amnesia, she's made up a whole new history for herself. And she's even renamed everybody.
Lita: Is that a fact?
PM: Yes.
Lita: Ok. This is your lamest plot ever, Phafoohoolaha. I mean, really. And what the hell did you do to my henchman?
Ken: Now, Honey, watch your language. You don't have a henchman. And this guy's name is Pharaoh Mobius, and he's a really nice man. We work for him! Remember?
<Lita glares at PM.>
PM: He's not lying.
Lita: <looks at gramps> gramps? Are they telling the truth?
grandmapa: Er…
<Pharaoh Mobius gives him a look that says, among other things, "I seem to remember an incident involving a furry pig with wings and a cape and a pointy tail carrying a pitchfork. It sure would be a shame if Lita found out about that…">
Lita: Well?
grandmapa: Sorry, Barbie. They're telling the truth. You're crazy. You must have made up all that stuff…
Lita: I don't feel like I made it all up.
PM: Well, that's the point isn't it? You have to admit. It is possible.
Lita: No it's not.
PM: Sure it is!
Lita: No…
Ken: Come on, Dear. Don't you think it's at least a *tiny* bit possible?
Lita: Ok, it's *possible.* But it's not bloody likely!
PM: Nope, not likely at all, but it sure did happen! You look famished, by the way. Here you go.
<Pharaoh Mobius plunks a bowl of kind of grayish mush down on the table in front of Lita.>
Lita: I am so not eating that.
Ken: Now Barbie,
Lita: Besides, I can't. My arms are tied.
PM: I'm sure Ken can help you.
Lita: You can't just untie me?
Ken: Not while you're all crazy! You might try to hurt people!
Lita: <There is a long pause, then she sighs.> What is that stuff anyway?
PM: Well, it's definitely not a low-protein gruel similar to the kind used by many cults for the fact that it has little or no nutritional content, which ensures that the body, and thus the mind, will be kept in a weakened state, greasing the wheels for the whole brainwashing process… you know… if that's what you're thinking.
Lita: It better not be! What is it?
PM: It's… uh… <he looks at Nabut. Nabut shrugs.> It's brain medicine. You're having problems with your brain. This stuff will fix them!
Lita: Brain medicine, huh? Well, I'll eat it. But I'm not gonna enjoy it!
PM: I wouldn't have it any other way.
<He and the others leave Lita to eat her mush (with Ken's assistance, of course).>
Lita: <thinking> Ok. Pharafholaahowah is so obviously lying. But something's wrong with Evil Mike, and I need to find out what that is… I'll play along with Pharafholaahowah's evil game, just so I can see how much damage I can do around here before he gets sick of me and throws me out… <she laughs softly to herself>
Ken: I'm so glad you're in a good mood.
* * *
<elsewhere>
Nabut: Brain medicine?
PM: I panicked, all right? Anyway, it's ever so obvious that Lita knows I'm lying. But I think it'll be fun to see how insane I can make her before she gets sick of me and leaves. <he laughs softly to himself.>
Nabut: Yeah. Whatever makes you happy.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
got her memory back! Yay!
My cow's been arrested? Oh, the poor little guy!
Anonymous voice: He's not *your* cow!!!
Hey, shut up!!
#1155
o/^ I just found me a bottle of blues...
Date: 12/01/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Lita: o/^ …some strange comfort for a soul to soothe, ain't it hard, ain't it hard, to want somebody who doesn't want you…o/^
<Lita is reclining in one of the booths, holding a half-full glass of Old Kentucky Shark. She's been untied for some time now, and is currently sharing a bottle with grandmapa. gramps, who has been drinking for nearly a month straight, is staring unfocusedly at the salt and pepper shakers. Lita's just started, so she figures she's got some catching up to do. At the moment, she's singing Beck songs loudly, hoping the increased volume makes up for her lack of talent.>
Lita: o/^ And I've been waiting for a year or a day, some strange weather must be blowing my way, 'cos I got no mind to go or to stay or be left behind… o/^
gramps: Ssssing it, Sssssisssster!
Ken: Barbie! What are you doing?
Lita: Time for the chorus! o/^ Holding hands with an impotent-- er… <she jumps a little in surprise, and breaks out of song.> Oh, hi Ken! You were talking to me! I keep forgetting… I'm supposed to be Barbie…
Ken: Why are you singing? You haven't been talking to that red guy over there, have you?
Lita: No… I'm just singing. It happens, you know.
Ken: Oh, I guess that's all right then--
Lita: *coldly* I'm glad you approve.
Ken: Have you finished doing what the Boss told you?
Lita: What, you mean scraping the gum off the bottom of all the tables? Yeah, I'm done with that, all right.
Ken: That's good. <Ken takes a seat next to grandmapa, and almost immediately puts his hand into a huge wad of gum.> Oh… ugh… I think you missed one, Dear.
Lita: <acting all innocent> Did I? Oops. I sure didn't mean to do that.
<gramps starts laughing, and snorts into his drink.>
Ken: Hey, Barbie, have you been drinking?
Lita: Yes.
Ken: Barbie, no! That's bad!
Lita: Why? I'm an adult. I'm 21. I can make my own decisions.
gramps: Yyyyou tellim. Don lettim… pusssshh yyou *hic* aroun.
Ken: You aren't 21! You're 17!
Lita: No I'm not! I'm 21! I was born in 1980.
Ken: Of course you were.
Lita: I was!
Ken: Yes, I agree with you. And that makes you 17.
Lita: .... wait… no. 2001 minus 1980 is 21. I'm 21.
Ken: That would be true, if it were the year 2001, but I'm afraid it's 1997, Dear.
Lita: What?
Ken: It is.
Lita: Did Phraffohaagulah tell you that? It's so easily disproved.
<Lita gets up and walks over to the calendar that's hanging on a nearby wall. Ken quietly takes the glasses and the bottle of Old Kentucky Shark from the table.>
gramps: heeyyy… I wasssn done. Jusss becaussshhh ssshhhesss too youngtaabe… drinkin'… doesssn mean yeh sssshhhhould punissshhh me… *hic* yeh gol-durned Whipperssschnapper…
Ken: I think you've had quite enough, Old Man.
Lita: Heeeyyyy… What gives? This is a 1997 calendar!
Ken: Er… yes. That's what I'm saying. It's 1997.
<Ken takes the bottle and the glasses over to the bar, and admonishes Rick for serving alcohol irresponsibly.>
Lita: <Still looking at the calendar, she mutters softly to herself> This is so infuriating. I can't believe Porky Morkius switched the calendars just to mess with my mind… I'll show him. <something dawns on her.> Hey, Ken?
Ken: Yes?
Lita: How long have we been married?
Ken: Er… Now let me think…
Lita: What kind of a sicko are you to marry a 17-year-old child? (or younger, depending on how long we've been married…)
Ken: Uh…
gramps: Yeah! Givim Hell… *hic* …Harry!!
Lita: Don't call me Harry.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the coveted Forrester Cup
is on the edge of her seat.
What's going on with the other plot?
Is my cow ok?
Where are the Rimmers?
I'm so impatient!
#1156
Ken: Well... uh...
Date: 12/01/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
*<(:O{D} HO, HO, HO!!1!!!11!
Ken: Let's see... heh...
Lita: Well, how long?
gramps: Yeeeeeaaah, hoahhhhwww looouuung, maaaann?
Ken: Yes... indeed... I'll ask the Boss!
Lita: Yes, why don't we?
<Lita, Ken, and gramps burst in PM's office. Well, except me. I did a kind of stumble of sorts into his office. You know drunks really can't burst in>
Ken: Hey Boss, could you tell Barbie that it's 1997, she's 17, and how long we've been married?
PM: Yes, Barbie, it's 1997, you're 17, and you two have been married since 1995.
Lita: Prove it, Pharaohoaffohaoah!
gramps: Yeeeeaaahhh, whuuut sssssshe sssssseid!
PM: Okay then! <pulls out copy of Lita's birth certificate, marriage certificate, and shows her his computer screen> See, it says right here you were born in 1984, you two were married in 1995, and my computer shows that it's 1997.
Ken: See, I told you so!
PM: That's great, now Barbie, go finish scraping gum off the tables and putting them in that bucket on the counter labeled "Fresh Gum-$2 a Piece".
Lita: What?! I don't get it! But, wait! Hey, didn't I win Wacky Races 2001?
PM: Yeah, and gramps got all upset 'cause he was too drunk to read that it was the first post of the day that won, and... oh, great!
gramps: Yeeeeeaaaah, tttttthaaat wuuuzzzz rigegeded! Ei wuuun, aaan yuuu knuooowed iiit! Ei ruuule! *hic*
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
Should-have-been Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup!
Wrongfully Second Place Winner Wacky Races 2001!
24 Days Until Christmas!
3:43 P.M. CST!
#1157
Wait, gramps. I was born in 1984?
Date: 12/01/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.......................................
If I was born in 1984, and it's 1997 now, that would make me... uh... <Lita pulls out a piece of paper and does some quick math.> 13 years old! Boy, Ken really is sick, especially if he married me in 1995, when I was at the tender age of 11. I thought PM was trying to convince me that I'm 17, because I was born in 1980, and it's 1997 now. So that 1984 thing was a typo, right?
And I beat you fair and square at that wacky race. And by my calculations, you were not even the second place winner. If the finish line was the stroke of midnight (Eastern Time), you wouldn't be considered having won the race until you made that post on the new day. The way I see it, you actually came in... (drumroll) fourth place! Ha ha! LOSER!!! <Lita puts her hand to her forehead, and makes an L shape with her thumb and poiner finger.>
PM: By the way, the race actually took place in 1997, it was just called the Wacky Race 2001 because wurwolf and Schmoe wanted it to sound all futuristic.
Lita: Yeah, whatever Phafargaholajula, I'm so not even listening right now. I've got more important things I need to do, like taunt gramps some more. Ha ha, gramps! You LOST!!!
Ken: Barbie, it's not nice to make fun of drunks. Besides, he's passed out. I dont' think he can hear you.
Lita: Maybe I'll write him a note about it and pin it to his chest.
PM: Look, I'm busy. Will you people just drag him out of here and get back to work?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
**WINNER** of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Next up: Things get icky, and Deathstalker isn't helping
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